Post Yoga Experiences

No day seems to be the same. The days of a dead cert ‘high’ are clearly over, however I never tire of observing the reaction my body has to each and every session. As yet I’ve identified no correlation between the practice itself and the esperience after, other than perhaps at the end of my 60 days whereby nothing felt too difficult and I adjusted quickly after class – or was I only dreaming those occasions? Repetition certainly taught me leave the pain in the hot room.

Here are the range, from worst to best experiences I have after 90 minutes Bikram Yoga:

• Confusion. Once I left the room far too early. The blood must have got to my head as, delighted with the speed I was dried and dressed at I actually believed I was on track for getting to work on time. (1/2 hour after the end of class, 3 tube stops and a change away). Arriving on the platform in unison with the correct train I convinced myself I was on the wrong side. Mildly annoyed I ran up and down the bridge to the other side, bundling myself onto the next train. Watching the doors slide together I began to query my decision… 3 stops, a horrendous change and over an hour later I got to work. Doughnuts all round.
• Total exhaustion. All the way home. And bed.
• Feeling pretty relaxed and happy, only to have it battered out of me by means of public transport and arriving home not much better than I left.
• Deep exhaustion that lasts for about 20 minutes. This is best remedied by lying on the benches outside under a strip of natural light from the ceiling, absorbing the cool air and listening to conversations flow around me. This is usually followed by feeling fairly relaxed, but unexceptional.
• A bit wobbly but instantly refreshed by cool air. Most likely when I’ve tried to fight the need to fidget in final Savasana. A cool shower feels like heaven and my mind is free from distraction until interaction of regular life kicks in.
• Urge to stretch in unusual ways. Odd.
• Need to laugh and/or cry for no apparent reason. Also odd.
• Loose from head to toe. I’m sure this is supposed to be every session but I’m not quite there yet. It does make me resent picking up heavy items / carrying bags etc thinking all the while of my freshly stretched spine… such is life. Beautiful sleep.
• Clear, deep lung breathing. Who knew air could be so good? Amazing sensation.
• Excitement. Pure, uncontainable excitement that makes me smile at EVERYONE. And talk to anyone. I could talk for a day about any small pleasure in life – usually fruit juice.
• Acceptance of everything occurring in my life – generally accompanied by the aforementioned excitement. This can be followed by a calm energy that keeps me cleaning / tidying / gardening / baking through to the early hours of the morning.
• Bikram Yoga Juice. I can only imagine this is like being high. Indescribable. Utterly amazing. Wish this happened every time – the chance that it may is often my motivation.
• It took me some time to figure this one out, but reading Benjamin Lorrs’ ‘Hell Bent’ I’ve come to understand that my spontaneous decision making that occasionally follows a session is rooting in ‘changing my mind’. This has been as simple as arriving at work with 4 pairs of shoes I’d not normally look twice at after early practice, and life changing as embarking on my relationship after 14/15 years of friendship with my housemate.

This is only a snapshot of key experiences, there are multiple shades between and hopefully new ones yet to emerge. Today the excitement came before practice! I have no idea if it is a specific part of practice, back-bending possibly – or the entire series, but it’s awesome (nearly) every day.

From Heat to regular room temperature – Bikram Yoga

It took some time to get used to 40 degrees. As some of the postures became more recognisable, the breathing got harder. The breathing recovered, stronger, and the heat would wipe me out. Achieving comfort between eating well, at the right time, breathing fluidly, keeping the mouth shut, adjusting the weight and tolerating the heat was a mean feat. Over the course of the 60 days I got there and almost instantaneously lost compassion for the ‘me’ in my first few weeks of practice. I tried at times to remember just how tough it had been, particuarly when I could barely feel the heat any more.

I did give consideration to the guy at reception who observed ‘ you must barely notice the temperature nowdays’. He was right – I could feel the room was hot but my breathing and sweat had adjusted to take care of the discomfort. All I had to worry about was improving my postures, breakthroughs were few and far between.

I knew immediately that to not go every day was not such a great move, but with little choice I embraced my fate and ate, drank and partied my way back to a less desirable state of health. Until the Yoga retreat.

 

I’ve never practiced ‘normal’ yoga – at regular room temperature. I fully expected to be less stretchy, but went with the flow.

Day 1 was very poor. Following the flight and a 2 hour time difference (against), waking up at 6am to get to practice was fuelled with excitement of our new practice. I worked hard to get my legs straight in Janese sandwich but realised early that the teacher had overestimated my abilites based on the 60 day challenge. Fixed firm was a no-go for most of us in the class. I was creaking in places I’d never heard before and cramp was constantly threatening to creep into the arches of my feet. I could hold my standing bows but I couldn’t actually back-bend into them and my toes had mysteriously grown so far from my hips that I practically had to fold my lef in half to reach them.

I’m good at the ‘no ego’ ethos of Yoga and quickly dropped the urge to scream ‘I can DO this!’. Ironically I seem to have become bessotted with the only form of practice where ego is prevalent and competitiveness is throughly encouraged – not ideal for someone who naturally sees the best in everyone else around them.

I learned fast what I can NOT, in fact do that I thought I could. The heat, of course changes this, with heat I can stretch, bend, focus in a hot haze of survival and enjoy and ant-free savasana. I cannot get my foot to my ankle in Eagle without a bucket load of sweat. I cannot bend more than an inch backwards in half moon. I cannot flex my foot back from the ankle, nor lift my leg to parallel. I can barely see the floor in seperate leg head-to-floor, let alone get my forehead down on it. The list goes on…

At the end of each class I was far from exhausted. Recovery took a minute or so and an Orange off one of the trees. I always felt looser as my mind juggled the new sensations I was experiencing without the aid of heat to get me into deeper positions. I had new goals.

Attending each of the availaible classes meant that the instructors got to know me and my practice well. They could show me exactly where my biggest errors were and physically re-aligned me. During step 2 in Awkward pose I had my heels teased up beyond what I imagined posible, seperate leg head to floor I was lifted, twisted and lowered until my hands flew out in front of me – still unable to reach the ever sinking floor infront of me. During Savasana I had my feet massaged.

I learned in this time that my shoulders hunch far further forward than I could have imagined, and my butt sticks out so far behind me in tree that I look as though I’m on a space hopper. For the first time ever I figured out how to get my hips in a straight line, and what that really means to the preperation of a posture.

Forcing my body straight I temporarily lost the ability to raise back to tree from toe until eventually, one day, I was doing it right. On a straight, firm, locked knee. This is of partucular relevance – towards day 50 of my 60 days I began to get sore knees. It was no coincidence, but took me some time to realise that it was around this time I’d begun to lift out of toe. During my ‘on-off’ month I’d begun to wonder if I’d have to give up Yoga – my knees were sore everytime I stood up/sat down and I was begining to get reeled in with scare mongering articles online about how bad Bikram Yoga is for the knees… the only thing against the articles was the lack of experience that the authors appeared to have. Many of these conclusions came from a few practices, if that. To find out, and see the proof, that the ONLY cause of my sore knees was coming out of Toe Stand wrong was a revelation that made the entire holdiay worth it before it even began. Unfortunately now I am back to struggling to lift myself from the ground however the pain has gone.

All in all, ‘cool’ yoga never gave me the Bikram Bliss. I became more in touch with parts of my body that the heat had been releasing without effort from me. I adjusted my alignment to something that would see me through future practice and I learned to avoid injury.

12 sessions of this seemed to yield progress… but how would I fare with a return to the hot room?

When Bikram Yoga becomes even more isolated…

The burning need to destroy the ocean of negative emotion, to drown the voices of bad reasoning, to tackle the jungle of obstacles in the path of the future drove me through the earliest days of Bikram Yoga. The more it hurt, the greater the relief. I was taking on my demons with a silent strength, one by one and eventually freeing long suppressed delicate shoots of confidence, creativity, excitement, health… tiny, precious and gleaming promises of hope desperate to rise. Some days they came in abundance, others I’d have to be more patient and just enjoy the knowledge that I’d worked my butt off. 

The pain and anguish that once motivated the endurance slipped away, returning only in small, manageable capsules that were almost exterior to my life. Attending class was all that mattered. 

 

The unexpected transformation that ensued brought with it new challenges, and the urge to share the magic of yoga was uncontainable. Of my magic was the development of a relationship with one of my longest and closest friends. Based on these very shoots – the excitement of arranging to go to a gig together, of chatting about some show on TV, of cooking for one another – appreciation and love grew in a way that I’ve known before but never expected to again. 

 

In making the leap from friendship to romance I was carried away with the newfound passion for life and togetherness. Knowing that his football club is as far from my scene as I could possibly venture I’d hoped that we’d develop new interests together. Knowing his love for athletics it seemed obvious to me that he should try yoga and fall in love with it the same way I had.

Unwittingly, I’d almost managed to smother the initial spark of interest through incessant chatter. Having completed the 30 day challenge and armed with a free session for a friend it was meant to be – until the weeks began to slip by, returning day after day alone. There were days when I’d choose to come home over staying out to grow the new relationship and instantly feel like I was letting slip of myself. I’d get snappy because I was making compromises yet as the Sundays came and went I’d be back on my own whilst he went for Sunday dinners with his family (struggling to find the time to casually mention his new g/f).

Eventually his new g/f was not so new, and she gave one final push to get him to the hot room…

On arrival I introduced the begrudging other half to the girl at the desk who kitted him out with  a sign-up form and I explained where everything was. Bringing with him a small bag with belongings that he’d not managed to stash it took the whole of 1 minute for the vest top to come off. The tuition from Sam up front was almost one-to-one… and he responded exceptionally well. The mental battle with the heat was observable, yet he engaged in all of the postures and even got into toe stand on the first attempt. 

I gave space at the end for him to relax and digest the experience but was changed in the quickest time possible, eager to find out if he’d been bitten by the Bikram bug.

 

“Too f*ckin’ hot”. Was the response, whilst sparking up. I couldn’t believe it, not only was that the full synopsis, he was filling those freshly opened lungs with smoke! One attempt was no good, and I had vowed to stop talking about it.

 

That seemed set to be the future which I accepted and left well alone, looking for the other things that we could do together… 

After a break away in Belgium I was back to Music related involvement and then off to Cyprus for my yoga retreat. Exercising my new Skype Ap I was surprised to find that he wanted to talk yoga… 

 

Me: “You hate me talking about yoga. You hate yoga!”

 

Him: “But you like yoga and I like to talk about what you like”. 

 

Me: Speechless. Literally.

 

It was a short conversation.

On my return I was told very matter-of-fact-ly that he would be coming on the next trip. When told he would have to practice yoga he said YES. More to the point, when told this was the condition to attend a social in September with my newfound fellow yogis he said yes to yoga IN THE HOT ROOM! 

 

Now, I have a feeling I will end up funding this to encourage such participation, after all he HATEs it as said that until he’s learned guitar and French he is unwilling to invest in any other hobby, but by GOD it’s worth it. 

In the meantime he’s attempting to give up smoking (and thankfully out right now) and I’ve started to be invited to she Sunday dinners….

So the answer? Acceptance that Yoga may always just have to be a personal love, and patience. By the bucket load. Who knows, he may one day even like it!

 

On reflection…

The 60 day challenge finished just over a month ago. It feels like a lifetime already. I can probably count the number of times I’ve made it to the hot room since, but things have changed on what feels like a permanent level. 

Following my crash course in learning Bikram Yoga I began to slip through the sessions almost disappointed that the struggle had slackened. At times I was convinced the heating was broken in the room and worst of all, I was goal-less. 

Over the past few weeks I have achieved (to varying levels of success) different aspects of development in yoga-related lifestyle. Kitted out with whole sale amounts of Dextro-Energy, Energen C, Acai / zinc / magnesium I’m yet to return to that point where I actually need them… I am back to gulping 1/2 litres of water and even resisting some of my favourite postures. 

In place of ease / routine and development I have the beginnings of a community. After reading ‘365 days’ I wasn’t convinced that this was really something I could achieve in the same way as the author – he’d really known how to reach out in a studio and organise challenges / built good communications with the teachers. I’d lost the carefree chit chat impulse in the changing rooms and had merged into the bubble of silence that often pre and succeeds a session. All the questions I’d wanted to inundate people with slowly evaporated and I was here, online, searching for the answers. 

Admittedly I found a whole bunch of answers amidst the online Bikram Yoga community and will always be hunting through related tags, I love to see other writers’ observations and without them I’d never have discovered the Shakti mat nor have come up with a little idea of my own that I’m nurturing. 

All of this information has lent itself in building new friendships when taking the plunge and attending a 7 day yoga retreat. For new followers – This retreat was booked by my mum after she discovered / fell in love with Bikram Yoga and she convinced me it would be a good idea to go. This in turn played a huge part in my pledge to complete 60 days of torture yoga at 200 40 degrees. The ins and outs of 2 practices a day for 7 days in cooler temperatures are for another post, however the collective of practitioners, each different in so many ways united by love of yoga, and several key personality traits was an exceptional experience. 

I’ve had so much fun getting to know this group and learned so much from them that even the return to normal life was exciting, because a good portion of them would be practicing in the same studios. Better still, like me they wanted some familiar faces to practice along side. There’s nothing like having people that expect you to turn up to motivate attendance, nor a teacher that has come to know your weaknesses to push you on and lay a mat if they know you’re cutting it fine to get in… 

Best of all, the failure of getting my boyfriend addicted through a singular obligatory attendance remains a glowing coal under cool ash sparking with interest at the new social life that it entails. There is hope yet. 

I don’t know how other studios operate, and how others reach out. It seems pretty tough to me, but when a bunch of us are freely talking there’s barely a person who doesn’t want to be involved. Bikram Yogis are definitely social creatures addicted to a rather isolated practice, but breaking the ice and creating new – possibly unexpected – social circles have been an unforeseen aspect of development, important in equal measure to the practice itself. Now if I can only combine the two…

                                           

Again, with the withdrawal!

Monday was a fantastic trip back to the studios. Tucked at the back of a busy class I inherited two beginners who reshuffled from front row so that they had someone to watch – that someone being yours truly. With the no talking rule I felt like a demonstrator for a sales pitch, thinking carefully about how I went into each move so that they could follow. This wasn’t casual glances over, we were tightly packed and I was aware of a full assessment being at each stage of how the asanas worked. It kept me in posture and I held standing bow better than ever – something seemed to click in that I found a new ‘lift’ as I moved my abdomen closer to the ground – quite different from what I thought I was trying to achieve and yet I was holding the stand with far more control than before.

 

I was relieved to find I could breathe calmly thoughout and had eaten exactly the right foods despite lacking the aid of cravings that continuous practice brings. I spent some time recovering after although I felt I could have happily got changed and left fast, however from experience this hastyness causes me to make stupid desicions.

 

Again I’m on hold due to a combination of late shifts and important events – tonight I’m off to see ‘Bleech’ who I think are from the St Albans scene, I’ve been wrestling ‘iMovie’ to upload band videos from Music Hunter nights and last night was the final night of Open Mic at Filthy McNastys. Tomorrow I’m double booked but have plans to opt for a local art show … so that leaves Friday.

I had an interesting encounter on my way out of session whereby a Big Issue seller waited for me to trundle down to the station. I declined, I do buy the Big Issue occasionally however I pass sellers far too frequently to always buy one at £2.50 a pop… He asked me if I’d been to Yoga. My attempts to succeed the reply of ‘yes’ by scuttling away were reigned in by his challenge ‘Why’. I say challenge because it was pretty darn aggressive. I considered pointing him in the direction of this blog, but really I didn’t have the feeling I wanted this guy to know so much about me. I kept it simple and said it was good to stretch. He asked if it feels good… nodding and stepping backwards to escape this full on unwelcome attention he then began to tell me that Jesus would do that too… It went on a while and I haven’t the inclination to regurgitate the entire conversation but it seemed to me an interesting situation. Usually, in my experience it’s the church that approach the homeless to offer support, not the homeless approaching Yogis! Anyone who’s read ‘Religious Disgruntlement’ will know that the man was wasting his time with me – not to mention nearly causing me to miss the tube and begining a premature chip away and my newly charged zenfullness.

I’m still eating more than before but the appetite is slowly subsiding, I miss how much I was loving food! At my colleagues suggestion I’ve tackled some various smoothies, not really my thing especially with spinnach and kale but in the name of good health I will persist. The Shakti mat? fabulous, love it. and Ouch. but mmmmmm. and very very relaxed sleep immediately after some laying down time!

 

On the work front still no word on the future so sitting tight, although a reasonable job offer has arisen that I’d be tempted towards if things don’t go according to plan. I’d rather be more local, particularly trying to run music nights as they eat a great deal into my day. All fully equipped I hope for sligtly less stressful future experiences, although that will rely on my puppy keeping her teeth away from my new kit. She’s turned into the world’s biggest ball of muscle on springs I have ever seen. Cute ball of muscle on springs.

Upcoming Cyprus yoga and with any luck Febuary will bring a cheeky little visit to Kenya and … more yoga!

60 Days.

I thought I’d seriously regret the 4 pints of beer last night before my 60th Bikram class in 60 days. When I breezed through the lesson I was convinced the heating was low, same as yesterday – until I left the studio and it felt far colder. I had a series of mini-breakthroughs and again enjoyed the entire session. Learning from yesterdays mistakes I stayed for a few minutes after class.

No euphoria, but then an instant hit would be a bit freaky. Between the cold, beer and girlie issues I figured there was no chance of reaching those dizzy heights…

Arriving at work I had to delay to make way for apple juice cravings, they were severe!! I drank most of a borrle of ‘Innocent’ apple juice before I’d left the shop. I knew that I couldn’t be doing with extra sugars etc and although I’ve never tried the brand felt a compusion for that particular one. Bliss, utter bliss to quench that craving!

Arriving at work was akin to any other day, yesterday I was nearly asleep at the keyboard. I felt a little more alert, but then I’d not just squeezed 3 sessions into 16 hours! Lots of people enquired about the euphoria, the ‘Bikram juice’, but it didn’t look to be happening. Not even as good as my 40th day experience.

Gradually during the day, the negativity brewing in the office was bouncing off me like I had a protective bubble. Then the energy surge began, slowly but surely… I can’t quite tell if it’s the original hit that I used to get or something different, but I feel like I could explode with this energy! I’m tearing through things that I’ve been meaning to get done, have 4 bands lined up for Thursday and am feeling overly helpful in the office! I’m sure this unleashes a different personality in me too, but certainally the drive and excitement that I embarked on this programme for are very much here. I may have felt similar in the duration of this 60 days, but not anything like it before taking up Bikram’s yoga. Maybe as a child, but that’s about it.

I have yet another super busy day so won’t be able to update on progress this evening but tomorrow I’ll let y’all know how it’s going.

Z – Zeitgeist.

zeit·geist  

/ˈtsītˌgīst/

Noun

The defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time.

We know that yoga is anything but. It has been instilled through an increasingly diverse population and communities through the centuries and isn’t looking at loosing favour anytime soon. I wonder, through, about Bikram – I can’t think anything could top it for me however the more that Bikram Choudury appears in the media the less I like to be aligned to his empire. It has been, so far one of the most amazing and life-changing journeys of my life and others around me are begining to gravitate towards the studio…

On this journey I have found a host of inspiring yoga bloggers but today I found one post inparticular that got me strangely emotional. There is barely a word in there that I can’t identify with, but its something really for those considering yoga…

Please take the time to jump blogs and check this out:

This Is How Yoga Works by Views from the podium

I’d like to think that life will soften its boundaries and allow a natural flow to teacher training one day, but for the present the addiction is as fierce as ever and the contentment at genuine, inside-out happiness are plenty to fuel my mind, body and soul. Cheesy, but couldn’t be truer.

Well done to everyone who finished the A-Z Challenge… I will stick with my descoveries from that experience!!

All the ‘Yes’s’.

• Getting the back shoulder in and arms back in half moon pose. Whilst breathing normally. Rare, low satisfaction.
• Getting further back in half moon and spotting the floor – improving, mid satisfaction
• Awkward – surviving it. Most of the time, mid-great satisfaction
• Standing head to knee, getting the foot out like an ‘upside down L’. Occasional, mid-great satisfaction
• Maintaining all 4 standing bows. Frequent – great satisfaction
• Tree pose – holding balance. All the time now – mid/great satisfaction
• Toe stand – lifting both hands together. Rare, great satisfaction
• Cobra – release and feeling the lower back, amazing. Great satisfaction.
• Locus, Gaining height – often. Mid satisfaction
• Locust and Bow. Feeling it. Great satisfaction in the lower back.
• Fixed firm – the relief. Great satisfaction.
• Half tortoise – gettin the channel from shoulders to neck to  under the ear open – frequent. Great satisfaction.
• Camel – the cool face coming out of the posture. Great satisfaction
• Completing the 30 day yoga challenge – Great satisfaction
• About to complete the A-Z Challenge, – Great satisfaction.

In summary,

YES!

X Marks the spot. Or rather, bruises do.

There are no real quirky X’s in Bikram, although X-treeme reaction may be relevant here. This is not intended to freak anyone out, I’m sure this is not normal and perhaps I’ve done something out of class to cause the bruising. I’m pretty sure it’s from last weekend as I had a very uncomfortable day in work on Monday, but only yesterday did I see any sign of bruises and last night the full extent of them. 

At best guess, I tried far to hard and incorrectly to get my head to touch the floor in separate leg:

 

It’s really important for this one to keep thighs contracted, they do remind you constantly however I was getting frustrated about hanging around in mid-air each class. So let this be a warning to anyone who doesn’t pay enough attention! (Joking, as I say I felt no specific painful moment to cause this, it’s just a guess…). Also, the extra lines are just from my jeans, perhaps looks less frightful without those 🙂

Unfortunately this has seriously hindered my session today as I couldn’t get into a stack of asanas  and had been doing so well in leg stretches! 

 

Vanity

I have little to say. But my body is in much better shape than before my yoga experience. It was, anyway. I took a day off today, ate pizza and drank beer. I’ll get my ass back into shape before hitting the town tomorrow because quite frankly, I love having a fit body. I now need to know how to get someone else to love it as much as me ;D