As I described yesterday, I was so determined to break the mental block that I’ve been experiencing in each class, today was the day. Only it wasn’t. Far from it I think today has been the toughest so far. I’ve concluded that work before yoga is a bad move, not only for the cramped tube journeys but the random noise that goes on. The days that I’ve reflected on previously as ‘nothing much happened’ I am learning are actually full of tiny interactive punctuation marks. Mostly good, the occasional shake of disapproval or directed comment usually disappear under a mass of more pressing concerns never to resurface. Now I’m suspecting they probably do as these minuscule mentions plagued my mind today throughout yoga and have since lifted completely.
For the pain and craving to break free I’m not sure just how worth it that was. I’ve heard stories before of people completely abandoning their mat and ordered back into place – of people randomly shouting back at the instructor and I’ve witnessed a complete abandon of the instruction in favour of ‘more relaxing’ poses. Today, I wanted to do all of that, run out of the room, sleep, cry – the works. Today I didn’t care about the 30 day studio challenge (Currently day 26, personally 35) nor my 60 day personal challenge. It was scorching hot, I was watching other people throughout and it was only in the final Savasana that I found peace. To get through the things I need to, (such as mass purchasing tomorrow for missing equipment that the bands on Thursday will need) I have to get to the 7am class in the morning… Hopefully I’ll not run out crying and screaming in defeat only 5 more sessions left.
New day maybe, cycle remains unbroken. That is the current challenge.