Giving Up!

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Sometimes I wonder exactly what I’ve signed up for. I know by the end of 90 minutes I’ll remember the reason and be back to gushing about how awesome the whole experience is and all the little break throughs (revenge, I think I’m actually beginning to make my mum bored of Bikram talk now, mwahahaha). Today I was pleased that the class was so full, barely a space in sight and the synergy should be amazing. Then the reserved towel next to me transpired to belong to an owner with full tattoo armoury which probably didn’t assist concentration very much – not least during Standing Separate Leg poses (revisit ‘F’) whereby I had to duck under his butt to get anywhere near to the floor… 

Still. The heat was utterly immense. At least, I pondered, I had a reason to struggle so badly today. Clearly I wasn’t the only person feeling it, a large number kept their rears firmly planted on the mat and when one girl was given the rare ok to draw breath outside a heard tried to follow… 

I consider reasons too, that I’ve not completed my dissertation yet. I have no good excuse, and the usual stress that kicks in and makes me work has evaporated through the power of Yoga. Dammit. So my risk – taking mind queries what would happen if I just jacked it all in. Nothing, really. There’s no one to tell me off about it, it’s my money and my fault if I fail and no one would really be too bothered. I hate how it’s always when I’m so close to finishing something that these thoughts occur – that I suppose is the real test of perseverance. 

It’s rare that I actually do give up anything, constantly goal setting and pushing a little further. Today I got realistic, I actually thought I may pass out and when my vision got blurry and I lost sight of those tattoos… I know a mental game involved as I’d fretted about Camel for the duration of several poses but I still tried. Hands on back and head back I called time out. Only for one pose, I didn’t like it much but was pleased to overcome my stubborn streak and do something sensible for once. The remainder of the class was awesome and I did get into second Camel. 

Then I learned to breathe. Out of the room, ‘Big belly breaths’. Right to the pit of my stomach. God, it was hot.

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